Diogenes - Reworked

Here I stand, Diogenes,

Arriving in Athens, never on my knees.

And though I am naked,

My healthy fats diminished,

I am not resentful that

By my father I was banished.

For this is the wondrous city,

Athens: the birthplace of democracy.

Where all men are created equal,

Just not foreigners like me, oh and women are not people.

But that’s beside the point!

This is the home of the greatest philosophers,

Forming moral compasses from ivory towers,

While slaves pray today they may be granted showers.

I am not homeless,

No, I’m an educated man,

But I just can’t bring myself to take more from this land

Than can be held in the palms of my two hands.

“Put on some clothes”

Shouts an Athenian gent,

Neck bent so his gaze

Lands just above my head.

“For what do I need those?”

Is my retort

And it’s met with nothing

But a contemptuous snort.

I used to own a bowl.

It was wooden and beautiful

And it served me with food

From the charity of the wealthy and the rude.

They pity my situation

As if they knew,

But they don’t know how to move through life,

They’re corrupted and confused.

I threw that bowl away

When I saw one day

A dog sipping from the puddle

A smile on his face.

I shouted: “I’m a disgrace!”

And I threw that bowl back at society

That told me I needed

Such an unnecessary commodity.

So I joined that dog

and we sat together,

Knowing that if we just stayed present

This moment would last forever.

The laughs from the crowd

Were drowned out

By a heart that knew

From the start what was true.

I looked that dog in the eye

And clarity filled my mind,

We are none of us better

Than any form of life.

So now the only thing I truly need

Is a lamp, yes, a lamp to see!

I carry it with me at all times in the hope that I may find

An honest human being but thus far I still am blind.

But I’ve really splashed out

On my living accommodation,

Upon a basset hound’s recommendation

I have found a ceramic jar.

What once held wine

Will do just fine

For me to sleep and eat

And urinate with my gang of canines.

And those who mock I do forgive,

But they mock that I am not

Embarrassed to do

What I must to live.

They have become so vein,

So full of disdain,

That what is simple and plain

Just does not sit well in their brain.

All the same, they are not to blame,

They were raised to play this ill-conceived game

By the ruling elite who claim you peasants too

Can eat the finest of meat.

They know no other option

But to want and desire

But if they’d listen I’d tell them

They can aim higher.

They are featherless bipeds,

Plucked chickens no less,

Who will die and realise

We’re all equal when we’re dead.

From voluntary poverty,

I was abducted by pirates,

Who took away the one thing

I truly desired:

Freedom to be

Nothing other than me

And I was plunged

Into slavery.

But in midst of this trouble

I became strong from my struggle

And my philosophy was wiser

Than that of Aristotle.

I escaped a changed man to Corinth, gaining new fans.

I was famous yet hated, but this land was the greatest.

Along came another well-dressed gent

With a serious comment:

“Stand up, young man!

A very important figure would like to shake your hand”

I, Diogenes, will remain sat down

But never on my knees.

I raise my head for a gander

Oh it’s just another human named Alexander.

“Alexander the Great has arrived!”

But I see no titles just those who are dead and those who are alive.

“What does he want?”

I ask as if I owe him something.

“He wants to learn”.

Well that I can give him.

But Alexander stood before me

And asked with authority

If there was anything

He could do for me.

I searched for the words that might

Be right then eventually

I told him

“Step out of my sunlight!”

And Alexander the Curious

Was suddenly furious

He gave me a look

Like he could be dangerous.

But he bit his tongue

And asked:

“So young one,

What is it you do for fun?”

I said, "well Alexander,

I’m glad that you asked,

I was searching through graves

This summer past.

“I do these things,

When I’m alone,

Searching and searching

Through human bones.

“See your father, I heard,

Was a King

So I spent my time

Looking for him

But it took so long

Only to discover

I could not distinguish him

From any other.”

And Alexander

Fell to his knees,

Saying “if I weren’t Alexander,

I’d be Diogenes.”

How Labour Can Win

There's a common trend among political commentators from Milo Yiannopoulos to Owen Jones that the voting public don't tend to think in terms of left and right anymore, so fighting for the centre ground makes little sense.

However, I do believe that people care about whether a political party is authoritarian or libertarian.

Labour have a problem here, that the Tories avoid. Labour leaders are often asked by the right wing press whether they consider themselves to be socialist. There's no good way to answer this. If they deny being socialist, they are accused of being dishonest or selling out their principles. However, admitting to being a socialist poses a serious problem.

Once you have a label such as "socialist" (or, God forbid, "communist"), you are boxed in. It's low hanging fruit then to point at Venezuela or the Soviet Union and ask the public: "is this what you want in Number 10?!"

The Conservatives avoid this because there's not really any ideology called "conservatism". You can claim to be conservative whilst having plenty of room for manoeuvre. Being a conservative lacks any content.

There's no disastrous conservative regime you can point out to the electorate. However, when the Labour leader is cast as a socialist, there is an instant connection made to authoritarianism. And since the public think in terms of an authoritarian/libertarian spectrum, this is bad news.

The Conservative Party may be objectively more authoritarian than Labour, yet they manage to avoid being perceived as such.

To remedy this, Labour need some flagship libertarian policies. For instance, they could promise the complete legalisation of recreational cannabis. The individual policy itself is unlikely to shift votes. Supporters of the policy will likely be young and already inclined to vote Labour (especially with Corbyn in charge). Those opposed to the policy are unlikely to be so against it that they abandon Labour altogether. It is likely that they simply think it goes too far. Perhaps they'd prefer decriminalisation or legalisation for medicinal cannabis only. The point is, it shouldn't cost that many votes.

What it will do, however, is overcome the perception that a Labour Prime Minister will lead a dictatorship style government. It will instead create the perception of Labour as the party of freedom, leaving very few positives for the Tories to claim for themselves.

Pro-Liberty, Not Anti-State

Libertarians argue against the state in favour of private corporations.

Yet they also talk about freedom of speech and the individual.

But there is no constitution governing Twitter, who can ban anyone for any reason.

Ironically, it is the right who often claim Twitter is censoring them. Then they continue to argue in favour of the rights of corporations to discriminate. Because forcing a baker to bake a cake for a gay wedding is "authoritarian".

When private corporations can discriminate arbitrarily, it is the individual that suffers.

Private land is essentially a fascist state, where the owner can ban anyone from doing anything.

Try preaching veganism in a McDonald's. You'll quickly be removed by private security.

Sometimes, the government needs to legislate in favour of freedom. The link between the private sector and freedom makes no sense.

The Wisdom of Dogs

Here I stand, Diogenes, arriving in Athens, never on my knees and though I am naked and my healthy fats diminished, I am not resentful that by my father I was banished. For this is the wondrous city, Athens: the birthplace of democracy. Where all men are created equal, just not foreigners like me oh and women are not people. But that’s beside the point! This is the home of the greatest philosophers, forming moral compasses from ivory towers, while slaves pray today they may be granted showers. I am not homeless, no I’m an educated man, but I just can’t bring myself to take more from this land, than can be held in the palm of my two hands. “Put on some clothes” shouts an Athenian gent, neck bent so his gaze lands just above my head. “For what do I need those?” is my retort and it’s met with nothing but a contemptuous snort. I used to own a bowl it was wooden and beautiful and it served me with food from the charity of the wealthy and the rude, who pity my situation as if they knew, but they don’t know how to move through life, they’re corrupted and confused. I threw that bowl away when I saw one day a dog sipping from the puddle, a smile on his face, and I shouted: “I’m a disgrace!” and I threw that bowl back at society that told me I needed such an unnecessary commodity. So I joined that dog and we sat together, knowing that if we just stayed present this moment would last forever and the laughs from the crowd were drowned out by a heart that knew from the start what was true. I looked that dog in the eye and clarity filled my mind, we are none of us better than any form of life.

So now the only thing I truly need is a lamp, yes, a lamp to see! I carry it with me at all times in the hope that I may find an honest human being but thus far I still am blind. But I’ve really splashed out on my living accommodation, upon a basset hound’s recommendation I have found a ceramic jar. What once held wine will do just fine for me to sleep and eat and urinate with my gang of canines. And those who mock I do forgive, but they mock that I am not embarrassed to do what I must to live. They have become so vein, so full of disdain, that what is simple and plain just does not sit well in their brain. All the same, they are not to blame, they were raised to play this ill-conceived game, by the ruling elite who claim you peasants too can eat the finest of meat. They know no other option but to want and desire but if they’d listen I’d tell them they can aim higher. They are featherless bipeds, plucked chickens no less, who will die and realise we’re all equal when we’re dead.

From voluntary poverty, I was abducted by pirates, who took away the one thing I truly desired: freedom to be nothing other than me and I was plunged into slavery. But in midst of this trouble I became strong from my struggle and my philosophy was wiser than that of Aristotle. I escaped a changed man to Corinth where I gained some new fans. I was famous yet hated but this land was the greatest. Along came another well-dressed gent with a serious comment: “stand up, young man! A very important figure would like to shake your hand”, but I, Diogenes, will remain sat down but never on my knees. I raise my head for a gander oh it’s just another human named Alexander. “Alexander the Great has arrived!” but I see no titles just those who are dead and those who are alive. “What does he want?” I ask as if I owe him something. “He wants to learn”. Well that I can give him. But Alexander stood before me and asked with authority if there was anything he could do for me. I searched for the words that might be right then eventually I told him “step out of my sunlight!” And Alexander the Curious was suddenly furious he gave me a look like he could be dangerous but he bit his tongue and asked: “so young one, what is it you do for fun?” I said, well Alexander, “I’m glad that you asked, I was searching through graves this summer past, I do these things, when I’m alone, searching and searching through human bones, see your father I heard was a King, so I spent my time looking for him, but it took so long only to discover, I could not distinguish him from any other.” And Alexander fell to his knees, saying “if I weren’t Alexander, I’d be Diogenes.”

Balanced on the Edge of Chaos: Why I Miss the Liberal Elite

When I was two years old, Blair was elected, meaning I'd get to grow up in a centre left, pro-European, internationalist and progressive political climate.

Though naturally rebellious, there's no doubting my politics remained broadly a part of the liberal consensus. I was part of the liberal elite.

When I was 15, the Labour years were coming to an end and it seemed like we were entering a new era of politics. That was okay though. Cameron was a self-described "compassionate conservative", an environmentalist and Europhile who was prepared to work with the Liberal Democrats to introduce new LGBT+ rights and continue the liberal consensus that had served us so well.

Then something happened, when we weren't paying attention.

The alt-right and control-left turf wars were taking over the internet, but our politicians remained committed to evidence based policy making and centrist consensus building. We thought those elites, with all their flaws, would suppress the tyrannical majority.

Something amazing followed. Despite all the polls pointing to the contrary, Cameron was elected with a majority and forced into holding a referendum on our membership of the EU. It's okay though, the polls clearly show remain would win and the undecideds will always vote with the status quo.

When I was 21, the UK voted to leave the European Union.

Surely this isn't so bad though, we can still take a sensible approach in the interest of the country. There's a presidential election happening in the USA and that informed, experienced, socially liberal Hillary Clinton is bound to win. All the polls show it.

I stayed up all night during the results, fearing the worst. At least I avoided disappointment this time.

And so Trump comes into office as I turn 22. Old ideals are dead.

After the Second World War, countries stopped acting purely in their own self interest. Global politics began to resemble domestic politics, with nation states cooperating for their mutual benefit instead of resorting to war and isolationism.

Soon there would hardly be a need for nation states at all. The 90's saw the walls torn down and borders erased. Whilst physical barriers were removed, ideological differences also began to fade as it seemed ideals of limited government, democracy, human rights, and pluralism were more or less universally accepted, at least in my part of the world.

But something has happened. Something happened when we weren't paying attention.

At the time of writing, the UK is four days from a General Election. This was supposed to be a return to stable government. A few weeks ago, it was clear Corbyn would release a manifesto to the left of Trotsky and May will get a sizeable majority. After all, all the polls are giving her a lead of over 20 points. We can trust the polls, right?

With days to go, there have been two acts of mass murder by Islamist terrorists in the last two weeks in the UK alone (and three in three months). Theresa May has faced calls to resign for her incompetency to keep the public safe. Furthermore, she's polling with a lead of between just 1 and 12 points, depending which poll you believe. A hung Parliament is looking increasingly likely.

Unelectable Corbyn, painted by the media as a terrorist sympathiser, is proving more popular than May on counter-terrorism issues. His opposition to destabilising foreign wars and promises to put more police on the street are unsurprisingly popular.

Perhaps politics has been so confusing lately, than May has no idea what to say to get elected. While Corbyn just says what he believes, May has nothing but "Brexit means Brexit", "enough is enough" and "this is right because it is the right thing to do".

In this climate, it is unwise to make predictions. But what if there is a hung Parliament? What would this mean?

A Tory/Liberal coalition? That goes against the point of holding an election to stop the anti-Brexit parties from frustrating the process. A minority government? Same problem. Another election? Would probably produce roughly the same outcome.

As members of the liberal elite, we've had it good for far too long. And now we're fighting something that no one understands. It is a movement that transcends facts, polls and statistics.

If a hung parliament materialises, parties must forget their tribal instincts. The liberal consensus lies dead at the side of the road. Anarchists, socialists and conservatives need to find their common interests: free speech, honest debate, compassion and understanding. If politics is a game, humanity is losing.

Diogenes the Dog

My ceramic walls are all the shelter I need. As I sit alone in my jar, I notice the pain in my curved spine. I really notice it. And the pain dissipates.

I peak my head out and allow my eyes to adjust to the sunlight. Men, women and children are rushing past. Always rushing. Always busy.

Along comes a dog, who sits outside the door to my ceramic jar home. I sit beside him. Not a word is spoken, but our breath is in sync. And we watch the world go do it's thing.

The passers-by wear fancy clothes and have important titles. Neither me nor my canine friend are impressed by this. 

We nuzzle the kind, bark at the greedy and bite scoundrels. We are loyal to the good but cower from those who mistreat us.

People are cruel to me because I am not embarrassed to do what I must to live. They call me a dog for being naked and urinating in the street.

They think this is an insult, but it is not. I am Diogenes the Dog.

They call me a contradiction because I am homeless and yet teacher to Alexander the Great. But I do not see titles. To me, he is Alexander the Featherless Biped. Me, him and all else are equals to a plucked chicken.

It's All About the Destination

I've often heard it said that the journey matters more than the destination.

Corporate travel companies and nomadic hippies have joined forces to spread memes that having less material items and more stamps in your passport is the key to happiness.

They make a virtue of restlessness.

But after speaking to travellers in hostels something became clear to me: Too many of these people are either thinking about their next destination or bragging about their past adventures. This means they are failing to live in the present.

A few years ago, a British man visited all 201 countries in just under 4 years. This is an average of almost exactly 7 days spent in each country.

Now I'm not saying he didn't experience a lot. But that's the problem.

The key to happiness is well known and the answer isn't quantity.

By valuing quantity over quality, travellers are missing out on why they went travelling in the first place. Frantic schedules leave no time to really see the place you visit. A quick photograph uploaded to Instagram won't cut it.

The satisfaction gained from a memory, will never be as strong as the satisfaction of an experience. What's more, a photograph isn't even a real memory. Often we have forgotten the place we visited and all we have is the photograph which manufactures a memory. At that point, all you're experiencing a snapshot of a place you may have well have never visited.

A traveller's mind is elsewhere: looking at a landscape through a camera lens, thinking about where this photo will be uploaded and what people will think, looking forward to the dopamine hit of receiving a like, trying to look good in this selfie, worrying if they've left enough time to get to the airport and onto the next experience.

Maybe it's time to stop journeying and instead enjoy the destination.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Beuller